...of perception

I'm so extremely bored with everything-- but I've been painting! And I've finally come to the side of The Doors and A Clockwork Orange, as well as an onslaught of 70s punk bands (New York Dolls, MC5, The Clash, The Stooges). I love them. Can't get enough of them. Such great music always inspires me to paint. Although I was drunk, I'm very happy with what I did on my newest painting Monday night/Tuesday morning...I successfully broke past that "oh, I don't know what I'm doing... what I expected, how to work with it"-phase and just let the painting "be." I always get good results when I just do the work without trying to "correct" things. I think listening to the music and being under the bottle caused me to think less of keeping with a stylistic theme and focusing more on my original concept, the idea of personal space merging into the space of another, the blending of forms/bodies... and the infinitesimal void left in between; and, stylistically, how color can create that void. I found myself extremely interested in color and emptiness, so it's nice to focus on that instead of whether or not the painting is "pretty." It still is, but not in the typical way my paintings have been aesthetically pleasing.

I spent the last two days doing absolutely nothing, or at least half-going to class/doing work. Today I ditched all of the classes (mainly because they are all exceptionally boring) and hung out at home because I am still recovering from a stella-induced hang over from Monday night drinking and a cold. Now that they're all gone and my classes are through for the week, I'm treating myself to movie watching and music listening.

I will (hopefully) be buying my ticket to Dublin tomorrow, which is sooo exciting-- three weeks of K, booze, italian "fat chips" and seeing the Irish city and countryside. Apparently we'll be heading over to Galway to see one of his friends and his wife (who happens to be American). Should be fun. I'm dying to be reunited with my dollface, life seems so halved without him.

I'm working in the gallery and there an, I'm guessing, art history class in here. I don't think I should be here anymore, honestly, my opinion is becoming to extremely critical of everything art criticism-related. I can't take it... it's all to contrite and pompous-- know i know why so many artists can't stand art historians.

I talked to one of professors about her writing me a letter of rec. and by god was it the most vigor-sapping experience. I can understand her suggestions, but I don't understand the need to 1) email programs/faculty if i have nothing to ask about... and i'm doing a taught masters, where research is limited 2) what's wrong with going to the uk instead of the us for grad school? It costs way more here!

I was completely disillusioned after talking to her. K keeps telling me to do a MFA in Painting or something instead of a MA in Art History/Market. I just don't see why I'd do a studio degree when I really want to focus on doing the artwork myself without feeling obligated to do it. Slade's at UCL has an interesting MFA program though, that focuses on forging critical theory along with one's work-- something I think would be useful to me.

I might look over Central St. Martin's again... and Slade as well. Never hurts to try right? Especially if I can get a portfolio together.