A dinner on a balcony and Regina demain?

Today me, K, and my brother are going over to K's uncle's for dinner and beers. Hopefully it will go off without a hitch. Hopefully.

Lately my brother has not been as annoying as usual, mainly because I just leave him to his devices which mainly consist of sitting on my computer, playing video games, sleeping or watching movies. I've given up on showing him Paris as he isn't interested in seeing anything at all-- if he can't be bothered to look up stuff that might interest him in Paris or to even feign interest in the stuff I show him, I can't be bothered to go out in the heat to show him anything either.

In other news, I'm currently searching for employment on campus for next semester, as well as housing. I happily discovered that my scholarship went in already, so that's great. My next line of business will be to start studying for either the DALF C1 or the TCF (probably the TCF as it's cheaper than the former and I can take it in Houston). We'll see, I must remember to buy a TCF practice book before I leave.

Well, I'm off to play the new harmonica a bit-- I really love this thing!

Oh brother...

My brother arrived in Paris to visit me Monday and, let's just say, I'm wondering why I insisted that he'd come. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and we generally get along, but apparently I've grown up so much that his overly judgmental, sensitive, and borderline narcissistic behavior is unbearable. He meets people and spends nearly all the conversation talking about himself and when the conversation isn't on himself it somehow gravitates back to something regarding him. I mentioned to him that K just finished his book and not once did he ask what the book was about, K got confirmation from a journal that one of his academic papers will be published in it and my brother doesn't even care to ask what it was about, what journal, when the publication would be, or even to give a congratulation. Instead, he starts in on one of his long, boring tangents about this, that, and the other.

I think the worst of the whole thing is that he acts like he is such a know it all. We go into Paris and one of the music stores he wanted to go to is closing for lunch. For the whole day he's walking ahead of me as if he knows where he is going, then randomly he gets extremely upset and decides that he's going to have a bitch fit all day and actually run off into a crowd of people right in front of the Galeries de Lafayette where, after walking back and forth three times, I left him to come home to my cell phone having had 14 missed calls. When he returns, he goes on and on about how he realized he could have taken an easier route, but that he just decided to follow my directions. Er....right. It's so frustrating. Moreover, I'm broke because I had to spend money I did not have to take him around Paris which he finds to be "OK," while he waited to get paid Thursday. Did he pay me any of the 200 + euros that I've spent on food, tickets, etc.? No. What's more is that he goes on and on about wanting to meet cool English speakers, particularly girls (whom, while walking in Paris, instead of marveling at the architecture and scenery, he focuses on) and so I, at least, take him to the pub that me and K and the others frequent. Not only does he get piss drunk (or so I hope that "show" was a result of alcohol) in front of everyone, but he's so bad to the point that we all, after walking through the rain to try to catch the bus, end of paying for a taxi. The next morning there's no apology, just him ignoring me and sleeping all day, refusing to eat until later when I make him something to eat, he decides he wants the stuff I bought for myself, eats that and throws the food I made away.

I honestly feel like I'm dealing with a child. He wants to do everything by himself, but is so immature that as soon as you give him free reign to go go go he comes crying back to you because someone hurt his feeling. It's ridiculous, so ridiculous that I'd rather he leave Sunday instead of staying another week. It's excruciating having him here. It's honestly embarrassing to have someone who, whenever I tell him about me and K running doing funny, harmless drunk stuff, his response is "I don't get why you guys are always getting drunk, it's so pathetic because I never get drunk or hangovers." How pretentious is that? I'm kind of regretful that instead of me and K having more random, romantic walks in Paris, or movie nights, or funny pubs nights hanging out with the few cool cats around, I'm stuck dealing with my ungrateful brother that I begged to come here (it's a little selfish, but I'd much rather spend my time with K than with him... I feel horrible saying it, but after the recent events I can't help it).

Oh well, oh well, oh well.

Dreadful!

The semester has ended (well, not until tomorrow --actually thursday but I've no need to go after tomorrow- and to get my test back ), I've got a month and a half left, me and the boy have gotten closer and closer, even after a world wind thursday night that had me briefly afraid we were through-- it only made us closer to each other and completely destroyed any feelings of uncertainty that were creeping up in my head. Saturday, after two days of him apologizing profusely and me telling him to forget about it, we went over to his uncle's place and he cooked us a nice dinner and we chatted about random things, it was really nice and oddly enough I felt at home. We actually got on the subject of what it would be like if he met my dad, what my brother his like--it's so weird! I feel sick when think that I wasted four months not with him, and even worse when I think that after we've shared so much with each other about our lives that we're just suppose to break up and move on. What are we to do?

On a lighter note, my brother will be coming to Paris next Monday. His ticket was extremely expensive, but at least he's finally coming and he'll get to meet K and all. Unfortunately my brother is leaving right before K's sisters come to visit. I'm really excited about it. I never thought that I'd be excited to meet someone's family but it's nice. I'm happy that he'll get to meet my brother though. It's going to be a nice final month, although undeniably surrounded by a invisible field of sadness and regret, it will be nice.

Fever, fever, fever

It's a day from being exactly a month from the last time I posted and so much as happened.  Lately I've been asked why exactly it is that I've never gone out with anyone in the US, never kissed anyone.. nothing.  My response always starts off with "well, it's not that I haven't been asked out, I just wasn't interested enough." I'm picky, it's true; I admit it. So what, right? 

So when the silly business with the French guy from the club occurred my senses were flabbergasted -- completely annihilated by the opening of this new, bizarre chapter in my life, as well as the alcohol that interrupted my rationality.  (Un)Fortunately whatever part of me that says "no" to everyone gave me that uneasy feeling that it wouldn't work out, so I ignored him until he moved on.  I say "whatever" part of me because, quite frankly, I have no idea what it is that makes me instantly recoil from people, feel uncomfortable even though I might perhaps be interested.  The only conclusion I can come to is from Vicky Cristina Barcelona, "I know what I don't want but I have no idea what I do want." 

Well, I've just gotten an amazing taste of it, and all the waiting and confusion and loneliness I've experienced where I've needed and longed for someone to talk to makes sense and was well worth it, well worth him.  How it is funny though that he is not what I superficially and subconsciously came here looking for: not French, doesn't speak French, nothing at all about him is French.  By contrast, everything about him is what I want, like, think about, dream about, imagined in my head but concluded wasn't likely.  None of the micky mouse bullshit I'm so use to dealing with: "Does he like me? Should I call him? How should I act?" -- none.  This is the most instantly satisfying relationship I've ever had with anyone that lacks the "it's too good to be true" aspect because there are already obvious parts of this that make it dreadful and sad that will come later and very soon, but still worth it. 

So, instead of a Frenchie who I have to struggle to understand and talk to, I have my super sweet, sexy, funny, Irish writer who I still have to struggle to understand, but who seems to have been ripped from any fantasy I've ever had of what I want in someone, although they've been so vague and uncertain. 

So I can officially say I've found "love" in Paris, although I wouldn't use that word quite yet, you get the idea. 

(EN post) Too easy...

What a world wind of last week of break, honestly! 

Thursday night I finally hung out with the people in my foyer, who are mostly really cool cats.  It was nice because I met a lot of interesting people from all over (especially Germany).  That same night I had two guys tell me on two separate occasions that I look like Lauryn Hill ("mais plus jolie" LOL). I think she is gorgeous but I really don't see any resemblance, at all.  It's really weird, but nice too. I think the first time anyone told me that was in high school-- so it dates before my hair was natural... now I guess when I rock my fro' it's worse. haha

At the pub I met a really nice, intelligent guy who (of course) spoke English pretty well. He was really cool, so when he asked me for my number I obliged him although I knew instantly I wasn't that interested in him. I guess I'm trying to listen to the "date, go out, meet people" advise people spew whenever I mention kind of wanting a boyfriend. So, I figured I'd give him and shot and go with the flow. 

Saturday me and the girls did some drinking before heading out for a late night out (caught the last RER out and took the first one back).  The first club we went to didn't work out at all (extremely selective and a lot of the girls were underdressed) anyway.  So we went across the street (mind you, this is RIGHT next to the Louvre... so funny there are at least two clubs next to that museum), and went in.  It was super fun and I drank more than I should have (but not so much that I can't remember the embarrassing crap I did!).  Long story short I met a guy and we exchanged numbers and emails and I'm sure in our drunken stupor we would have exchanged other forms of communication if it were at all possible. We were so drunk we spent 5 minutes playing Texas Hold 'em on his fucking phone!  

Generally speaking, when you meet someone at a club you don't expect it to be substantial right? Or you expect to wake up later and feel like a complete idiot for making out with a not-so-attractive-guy-who's-unsavory-nature-was-concealed-by-flashing-strobe-lights-and-damn-good-cosmos (this is a real question because this is the first time I've ever done it-- feel free to answer)? I guess I might have gotten extremely lucky, as between the moments of drunken stupidity we actually had a decent conversation... with my horrible, horrible, drunken, "quoi" and "blah, blah eueee"-filled French and my forward/random questions, we actually manage to have a real conversation.  That and apparently I had five minutes of "manly" clarity that went along the lines of "how will I make sure he's not busted? EUREKA! Outside for a smoke in the bright ass lights will do it!" Mind you, I don't smoke... but it worked, at least I knew he was cute. 

So, when me and the girls returned home and after I slept half the day away, I did not expect him to call. Or to ask to see me. Or to have already added me on msn. Or to find out how freakishly similar we are.  I think the icing on the cake is that seeing him again, although awkward for my own embarrassment and the combination of our shyness, was really nice.  I spent the whole time being suspicious, constantly thinking that there's got to be something wrong wrong wrong with this (and effectively saying how out of character I was Saturday, in as many different ways as possible).  I'm always super suspicious of people who are interested in me, but for some reason I kind of believe him when he says he's normally quite shy but he likes me a lot blah blah mushy gooey mush.  How is it possible that we're both quasi-nerds, like the same movies, like the same music, literature, and poetry (to the point where he randomly recites a poem --not very well known I think-- that I fell in love with last year, I actually had it on the wall of my dorm room!)? Or have the same goofy sense of humor? I'm a little flabbergasted, confused, befuddled as to how this happened all of a sudden... and if it isn't too easy to be true. I mean, I've always thought that finding someone you like and who likes you too was a some kind of bionic leap of fate that only happens to "normal" or "lucky" people. 

I guess I'll find out soon enough, won't I? Until then I will wait in suspicion and awe, while continuing to ignore this other guy's calls (I kind of feel bad... )

Aujourd'hui je restes dans ma chambre et espérons que j'étudies pour le TEF examen en mai.  Les derniers jours étaient bizarre pour moi; j'étais si triste, mais au même temps j'étais si inspirée (j'ai écrit environ vingts pages de la poésie dans mon petit carnet dans un jours-- c'est beaucoup parce que avant j'avais eu de la difficulté à l'écrire). De même, plus qu'avant, j'ai une idée de la directions ou les thème que je veux exprimer dans mon art (la poésie et la peinture). 

C'est bon, oui? Sauf que je pense toujours aux choses qui m'ennerve.  Je suis indifférente à tout ce qui est en dehors de moi. 

Il fait beau aujourd'hui... mais pourquoi je suis dans ma chambre?! Aucune raison, sauf que j'ai besoin de reposer un peu après les trois contrôles que j'ai passé cette semaine.  

La conference aux états-unis s'est passée bien.  Je suis encore un peu fatiguée après le voyage, mais je suis ravie que je suis en vacance pour deux semaines à partir de vendredi! Je vais aller à Cologne pour un week-end à voir un ami et peut-être j'irai à Bruges ou à Strasbourg ou à Nancy (voir un autre ami...?). Je ne sais pas. Je voudrais quand même voyager en France plus qu'ailleurs en Europe.  je verrai.