Where oh where can my loan letter be....

Yes, I am still waiting for that blasted loan letter. It's been a month of "it'll be out in a few weeks," says one guy, "it'll be out next week," says a woman a few days later, "we're sending letters out today and tomorrow," says the same woman to K when he called, "I can't give you a specific date as to when they'll be out," says the same woman to me a day later.

So, I figured I'd give them a week before I started berating them. K insisted I start immediately pestering them nonstop. Thursday I cracked. I called and got the first guy on the phone who was way more helpful than the woman I talked to. I think that conversation is a pure and simple example of how USELESS financial aid departments are/can be (this is me paraphasing):
him: Ok, so let me look at your information on our system and I'll see where we are with your application.
me: ok.
him: um... alright so we have all your information and it looks like we're waiting to hear back from the states for verifying your MPN. I can't tell you when we'll hear back from them.
me: ah, alright but the problem is, I've got a flight booked for mid-August...and I can't apply for my visa until I get that letter.
him: ummm... mid-August, eh? hmmm... hold on, I'm going to talk to my colleague and get back to you.
me: alright.
I sat for about two minutes listening to that horrible hold sound... it's just as irritating and disconcerting as the sound French phones make when you call someone.
him: ok, we'll it looks like we can go ahead and use that MPN we have for you and get your letter out today or tomorrow with the next batch [of letters].
me: !! oh great! Does that mean I'll get it by next week?
him: yeah, it usually takes 5 to 7 days or so (blah blah blah lightly accented scottish mummbles).

Now, why did I have to lie about the date of my flight (I just said I was leaving a few days earlier) to get some fucking progress? It's ridiculous. I'm assuming I'll get it in the mail by Thursday at the latest. FINALLY I won't have to move my biometrics back again!

Now, on to work related shananagins.

Everytime I talk to an artist (today I telephoned M. Sontheimer about a work he did for the museum, so nice!) I have remorse for not taking more art classes. Now I know me and I know I am NOT an art class person (at least at this point). I couldn't stand taking classes where I'm told what to draw and how to think about art. Now I've got no with being taught the things all artists should know (different types of composition, color, lighting, values, or how to best use certain mediums). I understand the importance of the basics. BUT! Beyond that, I'm a all about experimentation, which is why I did not apply to MFA programs. I like the idea of opening up a students mind to artists, to concepts, requiring reading, requiring we look at different artists. I know that's too personal an approach for a class of something like twenty+ students. That's the stuff that inspired me to make art, gives me ideas, and helps me move forward in my art production. I mean, I made a huge leap in making art when I went to Paris, started reading tons of French literature and art criticism/theory, went to museums and galleries, and sketched, a lot. That's when it hit me what I wanted to do artistically. Obviously, for me, studio classes weren't going to do that for me.

So why do I feel so guilty for not taking more of them??

K's sister C just graduated from Central St. Martins (she did her final show, a live art piece, and had two galleries approach her about doing it again for them). She now HATES arts schools, mainly because of the number of rich wankers that go there. I can imagine I would feel the same. To me the most obvious benefit is the number of contacts one gets when doing a degree and the experience (whether in museums or exhibiting on campus). Now THAT I wish I'd not missed out on. I did enter exhibitions (and got into one) my first semester of college and then stopped, as I was researching where I wanted my work to go and what I wanted it to say for about two years. I mainly stopped because I didn't like the work I had.

I think now I just worry about whether people take me seriously when I say "I'm getting masters in Modern Art history but I'm also a studio artist/painter?" I think I'm afriad there's a biased in the eyes of artists for those who don't do art history instead of studying art route. There's a method to my madness... I promise!

My artistic goals for this year (Sept-Sept):
Rebuild my portfolio (I'm leaving my recent and most beloved paintings here in Texas because it's too expensive to ship them, so I've got to make a new portfolio of work) with at least fifteen paintings and drawings-- maybe less if I do some more big paintings
-participate in local art shows and become familiar with art scene (i.e. GO to gallery opens and stay on top of what's going on in the art world).
-keep exploring the use of pastels/ink on paper
-experiament with unprimed canvas and ink/staining (I've always used primed canvans, now I'm switching over)
-STRETCH MY OWN FUCKING CANVAS DAMNIT! It'll save me tons... maybe.

I'm moving in a month!

I can't wrap my head around this... I'm literally moving away, forever, from this god aweful land of heat and rain and sweat (I'm angry with the Texas heat at the moment as I have no air conditioning)! It's unbelievable. I'm not going to study and then return, not going to visit, but going to live abroad...crazy!

I've been thinking about this as of late (mainly because everyone keeps asking me silly questions like "why would you want to live in Europe? What if you don't like it? What makes you think it's great?"). I've always wanted to live abroad. As early as middle school I was planning my escape to Europe thinking maybe I could convince my parents to let me switch places with an European student for a semester, or, maybe I could just go and take language courses. When I graduated high school I thought about being an au pair. In college I worked hard on learning French with dreams of transfering to a French university somewhere (I grossly underestimated 1) the difficulty in mastering pronunciation 2) how high of a level was required to get in, something I would have never attained without studying abroad first). Luckily, I finally did get to France, not for as long as I wanted, but I made it and gained so much from the experience ( a boyfriend, a much better level of French, confidence and love in/for myself). People sure don't lie about studying abroad being an invaluable experience.

Now, I'm off again, in a month, to make Edinburgh my home (at least for a year). Then maybe London, then Spain, then then then! Who knows where I'll end up, but hopefully not back in Texas (no offense to Texans, it's just not the place I want to be)!

On a more beautiful, but kind of sad note, here's a lovely poem by my favorite Surrealist poet Mallarme.

Apparition

La lune s'attristait. Des séraphins en pleurs
Rêvant, l'archet aux doigts, dans le calme des fleurs
Vaporeuses, tiraient de mourantes violes
De blancs sanglots glissant sur l'azur des corolles.
C'était le jour béni de ton premier baiser.
Ma songerie aimant à me martyriser
s'enivrait savamment du parfum de tristesse
Que même sans regret et sans déboire laisse
La cueillaison d'un Rêve au coeur qui l'a cueilli.
J'errais donc, l'oeil rivé sur le pavé vieilli
Quand avec du soleil aux cheveux, dans la rue
Et dans le soir, tu m'es en riant apparue
Et j'ai cru voir la fée au chapeau de clarté
Qui jadis sur mes beaux sommeils d'enfant gâté
Passait, laissant toujours de ses mains mal fermées
Neiger de blancs bouquets d'étoiles parfumées.

Might as well....

I figured I might as well update...

No news really, or well, I guess there's a bit to talk about. Firstly, the internship has gotten more than a bit boring, but is almost over so I'll survive. I did get to meet an artist though. A local, but internationally known artist with the initials of TDH (he's living in Houston at the moment, did a show at a gallery in Edinburgh, is from Paris Texas). If you can guess it I'll give you a prize (well, not really, but you can feel gooey inside for being so learned)! He was really nice, I got to see his studio. He's been added to my list of people who don't think I'm from the Texas... or I guess the US. He said I had an aura that wasn't very Texas-like. Yay I have a unique aura! Haha.

Another reason why the job has reached it a point of annoyance with me is that for the past week or so I had one of the maintenance guys opening doors for me, being overly nice in a suspicious way, and then he followed me up stairs from the first floor (my office is on the third floor, he was coming out of the first floor door leading to the front of the museum to the elevators/stairs). He held the door for me, which is fine. Then, after I'd been at my desk for about 10 minutes he came down the hallway... I think he followed me up? I think this because he came in and asked me when I was leaving (my manager stopped to have a conversation with him a few weeks ago when we were coming in from lunch, which I think started this whole thing) and if I wanted to get lunch some time. Aside from the fact that I have a boyfriend, which makes going to lunch with some strange man who obviously isn't just interested in being friends with me awkward, the fact that he "stalked" me upstairs is just unsettling. So, obviously I told him no. I tried to do it in a nice way. I think it worked because I haven't seen him since. I know asking someone out and being turned down can be so embarrassing, so I kind of feel bad. I always have weird individuals asking me out.... why I don't know.

I'm currently battling the dreaded UK visa stuff. Actually, I'm mostly battling Edinburgh's slowness in regard to the loan award letters. It's not their fault, really. I mean, the program did just change. However, US schools just switched over too and the process isn't take NEARLY as long. Maybe it's the time difference.

I applied to a ton of charities and trusts in the UK for grants. I really hope I get at least one of the seven or so I applied to. I've gotten no goes from two so far. One doesn't give grants for arts degrees and the other is broke (also known as "uninterested-in-giving money-to-me" broke).

I still haven't heard about the Saltire scholarships. I think each university gets 200 scholarships to give out? Maybe that's what's taking so long, that is a lot of people. You'd think that since I got the more competitive scholarship for more money that I'd be in a shoe in for this one (that's based entirely on merit as well), but maybe they'll decide to spread the wealth?

PLEASE SPREAD MORE MY WAY, I'M STILL BROKE!