18 + 30 + 107 = SCOTLAND

I have 18 days until graduation and I'm so ready for this degree... I'm ready to move on. UNT has become the most agitating place now and the fact that I'm in Denton makes it worse. So, 18 days until graduation, 30 days until K goes back to Ireland :(, and 107 days until my internship at the MFAH - yes I got it, yippee! - ends and I'm on my way to Europe. I haven't decided if I'll go to Dublin or London, depending on where K is, the last two weeks of August, then move into the apartment in Edinburgh. My other option is to wait until September and fly straight to Edinburgh. I think I'll do the former but... we shall see. What's funny is that I'll have a week before classes start to get use to the city, then the weekend before classes start K and I will be going to Spain for his sister's wedding! It's going to be insane. Dublin or London for two weeks, Edinburgh for one week, and then Spain for the weekend. Fabulous.

I haven't posted in a really long time so I need to make a decent update. So, as mentioned above I got the internship at the MFAH, which will be great. During the interview I was told what we'd be working on and I'm so excited for it. I'll just say it has to do modern art from a specific country in central europe. I'm really excited to be working there, actually going to the interview and walking around Houston with K was so much fun, made me realize how beautiful the downtown area is. It's really great that I'll get the experience of working there in my field of study, with a staff that seems really nice and laid back. Plus the fact that it's paid makes it even better.

On a less exciting note, for some reason K and I have been arguing over the most asinine things, mainly because he's so overly sensitive and... I just don't get it. I'm very understanding of him and his issues, but the overreacting and then not seeing it as overreacting and ONLY as my fault is a bit unnerving for me... and, quite frankly, it pisses me off. Yesterday we had a 4 hour "argument" about the top of a pint of ice cream. Yes, an ice cream top. We were getting a movie from the redbox machine at 7/11 after buying a pint of ice cream, he looks at it and says "has this been open? there's no seal on it.." and I look back at him, probably with a "are you serious?"- look, but definitely in a playful manner, and say "there's never a seal on it." He laughs and says "ignorant," which I laughed about too. Now, he made that comment, not me! Anyway, so meanwhile the redbox disc has come out and grab for it but it gets sucked back in. After I finally get it he makes a comment about me pushing the red box disk in and my reply is "i didn't push it in, it took it back because i took too long to take it because of your ice cream top question." And thus begins the four hour ordeal, which includes us getting back to the apartment and him storming out again in a huff. Then, when I'm on my way to the library, him stopping me from going so he could proceed to preach to me about how degrading and belittling what I said was, all the while changing his argument to include the fact that he was the one who made the comment about his question being ignorant...

Of course I felt bad about hurting his feelings, but I just, even now, can't understand how something like that-- a dispute that in my book did not require that amount of theatrics-- lasted for four hours and resulting in him running out and smoking two cigarettes after being off them for three months. Maybe I'm wrong, but I see this has being overly sensitive. I'd hate to see his reaction if I actually tried to belittle him, which I have never and will never do. I even tried to explain to him why I was pissed off and he wouldn't listen... I apologized over and over and he dragged it out for four hours, which made me even more angry. This is something so minute... I can't even understand why it's still bothering me. I'd like to attempt to clear it up in a way that it doesn't happen again, because his overreacting actually turned a frog into a snake. I mean, explode and bitch about something that's actually offensive... he's had people do much worse things than criticize his knowledge of ice cream tops and not acted anywhere near to how he acted last night... how can something like that really piss someone off that much? How? He's had people physically disrespect him (his sisters, for instance) and not reacted like that.... Although I will actively try to not do it again (whatever it was o_O?), I don't think my attempts will be much help if he doesn't tone down the overdramatic reaction and misinterpretation of my actions.

Aside from those shenanigans, I've actually greatly enjoyed K being here. We've been goofing around and saw the flaming lips a while ago. There's been, by far, much more fun than arguing.

Flaming Lips in Denton

Edinburgh wins the game!

I accepted the Edinburgh offer on Sunday. After giving it some thought, I realized their program would be more suitable to my career and academic goals.

So, now that that is out of the way, I'm left with the task of applying to scholarships. For once in my life, funding isn't really the obstacle for me since I'll eligible for credit and non-credit based federal loans. Depending on which scholarships I get, it's the difference between no debt, some debt, or a lot of debt. I hoping for the first or second, but even if I get the latter "a lot" would still not be as much debt I would accumulate if I went to school in the U.S.

Dublin, Grad. School Acceptance and graduation.

So, I got my conditional offer of acceptance from the University of Edinburgh, I am awaiting the same from Glasgow, which I should get sometime next week. I have until Feb. to accept Edinburgh's offer. I'm weighing my options, but I think I'll probably go with Edinburgh. I'm so insanely excited for the new year-- three months with K, graduation, a summer internship (hopefully), then graduate school in Scotland and K living there with me (if he doesn't find a job somewhere else). I'm so excited. I had a really good 2009 and I know that 2010 going to be even better.

The only problem I have is that my study abroad credits still have not gone onto my transcript. I don't know why it's taking so long being that I physically gave the study abroad office my ICP transcript in September of last year. I called last semester and was told the credits would be on there by December... obviously that didn't happen. Now I have to apply for graduation in February and my audit says I need 6 hours to meet the minimum credit hour requirement. Technically, being that I've already squared away my study abroad credit with the art history department and they have on file that I took six hours of art history credit in France, when I submit my graduation application to my department/college, I shouldn't have a problem... right? I can't get anymore info from the SA office until Tuesday or Wednesday. I just hope that they've processed it already... my god how my uni is annoying.


Anyway, I had a blast in Ireland. We did a lot of walking in the mountains, a bit of pubbing, some arguing that resulted in relationship epiphanies and planning on both our parts, and walking around Dublin. 'Twas fun.

Now the semester starts next week, which I'm excited for as well. I just hope that all goes well with the credits/graduation.

37 countdown...

In the art gallery, watching the new Simpsons episodes-- effectively procrastinating when it comes to all the papers and projects I have to do. I'm presenting in a conference Friday with someone who I haven't even talked to about how we're setting things up... at this point I don't even think she knows what she's talking about... it's so annoying, but oh well.

On a lighter note, only a little more than a month before IRELAND! K! FUN and freedom from this blasted semester. I'm nearly done with grad. apps too, thank goodness. So, after this semester it's smooth sailing and waiting for the results of my applications.

so yeah... boring boring boring.

...of perception

I'm so extremely bored with everything-- but I've been painting! And I've finally come to the side of The Doors and A Clockwork Orange, as well as an onslaught of 70s punk bands (New York Dolls, MC5, The Clash, The Stooges). I love them. Can't get enough of them. Such great music always inspires me to paint. Although I was drunk, I'm very happy with what I did on my newest painting Monday night/Tuesday morning...I successfully broke past that "oh, I don't know what I'm doing... what I expected, how to work with it"-phase and just let the painting "be." I always get good results when I just do the work without trying to "correct" things. I think listening to the music and being under the bottle caused me to think less of keeping with a stylistic theme and focusing more on my original concept, the idea of personal space merging into the space of another, the blending of forms/bodies... and the infinitesimal void left in between; and, stylistically, how color can create that void. I found myself extremely interested in color and emptiness, so it's nice to focus on that instead of whether or not the painting is "pretty." It still is, but not in the typical way my paintings have been aesthetically pleasing.

I spent the last two days doing absolutely nothing, or at least half-going to class/doing work. Today I ditched all of the classes (mainly because they are all exceptionally boring) and hung out at home because I am still recovering from a stella-induced hang over from Monday night drinking and a cold. Now that they're all gone and my classes are through for the week, I'm treating myself to movie watching and music listening.

I will (hopefully) be buying my ticket to Dublin tomorrow, which is sooo exciting-- three weeks of K, booze, italian "fat chips" and seeing the Irish city and countryside. Apparently we'll be heading over to Galway to see one of his friends and his wife (who happens to be American). Should be fun. I'm dying to be reunited with my dollface, life seems so halved without him.

I'm working in the gallery and there an, I'm guessing, art history class in here. I don't think I should be here anymore, honestly, my opinion is becoming to extremely critical of everything art criticism-related. I can't take it... it's all to contrite and pompous-- know i know why so many artists can't stand art historians.

I talked to one of professors about her writing me a letter of rec. and by god was it the most vigor-sapping experience. I can understand her suggestions, but I don't understand the need to 1) email programs/faculty if i have nothing to ask about... and i'm doing a taught masters, where research is limited 2) what's wrong with going to the uk instead of the us for grad school? It costs way more here!

I was completely disillusioned after talking to her. K keeps telling me to do a MFA in Painting or something instead of a MA in Art History/Market. I just don't see why I'd do a studio degree when I really want to focus on doing the artwork myself without feeling obligated to do it. Slade's at UCL has an interesting MFA program though, that focuses on forging critical theory along with one's work-- something I think would be useful to me.

I might look over Central St. Martin's again... and Slade as well. Never hurts to try right? Especially if I can get a portfolio together.

New, "aware," art historians - rant

I'm sitting in the art gallery and being forced to listen to a bunch of very, very...erm, "smart" modern art students discuss jazz music and a film that deals with it. It's slightly infuriating the way they're dealing with Jazz, it's content, and their misconceptions of it's history and connotations.

First inaccuracy: I think it's fairly accepted that blues and jazz, although very close and they did borrow from one another, they did not emerge from one another. Essentially they were forming at the same time. It's pretty accurate to say that jazz evolved from ragtime in the 19th century, at the same time an early stage of blues was developing.

Second inaccuracy/slightly racially charged assertion: Apparently one song that arose in the film they viewed was, from what I gather, "Jelly Roll Blues." The only thing this wonderful group of scholars could gather was that the song had sexual connotations because of the name.. although evidently, unless it was provided by them, none of them were aware of the fact that the song was composed by one Jelly Roll Morton. The song is completely instrumental, so it's hard to understand how it became something similar to "Milkshake" by Kelis, that apparently "white people wouldn't have understood" as sexually charged. One person states that he learned in his jazz survey that "jelly roll" was a euphemism for the male genitalia, which it may well have been in some cases, but I can't see how one can make that distinction for three reasons: 1) the song was named after Morton, as many early blues and jazz songs were, ex. "Memphis Slim U.S.A" by Memphis Slim 2) The song is instrumental 3) I can't see why Morton would take on a name that essentially means, according to them, "Penis" Morton.

The way I've always understood the phrase "jelly roll" in blues and jazz is in reference to movement, a song that can make your "jelly roll" from dancing.

I think this kind of annoyed me mainly because it made a direct correlation to rap music and modern African American music that is usually sexually charged. Although they are subgenres of jazz and blues, it's important to make the distinction that they subject matter is not always connected. Moreover, there was a tone of devaluation in the way they spoke of the song and jazz in general, simply because of the content. The fact that "white people wouldn't understand" is saying quite a bit, as if to say if they had the music wouldn't at all be important.

This is the second thing today that's really made me wonder about people's analytical skills. The first had to do with a very long, drawn out and repetitive discussion about subjectivity and the art of Valie Export, particularly "Tap and Touch Cinema." Most people were saying that her piece objectifies her as a woman although objectification really does imply making someone or something into an object and lording over it. It's about ownership, when a woman is objectified it implies that she can be owned, used, and discarded. In no way does Valie Export's piece give anyone the power to objectify her. In my view, the piece actually forces the participants to face the reality of her existence, acknowledge her as an individual. The fact that her breasts are not visible but can be touched removes their importance from her identity: yes, she is a woman, yes she has breasts, do they define her beyond this physiological sense? No. I think that's the resounding message in the piece. Body parts are not the whole of a person. They are indeed just parts. Society puts too much emphasis on them and that is why the men who participated were "scarred," because they felt they were violating "her." What Valie Export is saying, however, is that you can't objectify an object. It's the reverse of artists only showing breasts, ass, or a vagina to represent women. "Tap and Touch Cinema" is saying "Go ahead, touch them. I don't care because I am an individual, those do not define although you've been programmed to think they do."

I think all of this is coming out of pure frustration with classes and the way people are approaching discussions about art and music. Basically I feel like I've spent 6 hours of listening to verbal diarrhea. Everyone is so obnoxious. Everyone is so pretentious. I don't understand how some of these self-proclaimed "feminists" are thinking critically about art and feminist art, while at the same time taking a very commercialized and mainstream view of what feminism is: "oh, she's allowing them to see/touch her so she's just perpetuating the stereotype." I thought the general basis of feminism was to reject gender roles put in place by men? Didn't men decide that women shouldn't expose themselves publicly, or that their "parts" were sacred? In other words,

Oh bah... I'm tired of thinking about this. It's likely my thoughts are jumbled anyway and none of this makes sense... but oh well.

I have decided (ish) on what my last semester in hell Denton will be like class wise. Here it is:

Grad. Contemporary French Theory (SOOO excited about this one)
Topics in Roman Art History
Creative Writing: Poetry
Political science (bummer)

I contemplated taking it easy next semester with all boring classes.. but since I'm going to graduate school I decided I might as well take at least one or two classes in my area of study. Unfortunately there are no graduate level art history classes that tickle my fancy, but at least I get to take a French one, which sounds like loads of fun (and work).

Depending on whether I get the full 12 hours of credit from studying abroad last semester or just 6, I might drop one or two of these (like the Art history and creative writing ones) and take it easy anyway. :)