Moved!

So, I've decided to jump ship to wordpress because there's something about blogger that's annoying me now. Plus, I want to revive my blog, and what better to do that than with a new location?
Here's the link: http://deperles.wordpress.com/

Here's a long one...

So, the original reason for this post is the fact that the decisions for the Teaching Assistant Program in France are in today.  Being that I have no teaching experience, and some other little things, I was really worried. At the same time, there's the plus that I already live in France, which is a huge plus considering the number of people who drop out during the program, so I was optimistic.  Anyway, I've been: WAITLISTED. 

I'm honestly content with that, I mean...there are probably tons of people with years of "real" teaching experience (not just tutoring) that were given first dibs. But still, what a pain!  It's not a pain because I don't think I'll be given a spot (everyone from last year that was waitlisted was offered a position), the problem is that I REALLY need the offer to be either for Rouen or Paris.  It would make my life easier, seriously. And I'm afraid that the longer I'm on the waitlist, the less likely I'll get one of these (in my logic anyway).  The other thing is, I really wanted to know that I had a job, even if it's to start a billion months from now in October.  Oh well.  Je dois attendre.

In the meantime, the 16th of April I have to turn in my application for art school, but....I probably won't have my expensive ass French language test results...apparently they haven't even gotten the results for the tests taken in February yet (I took mine at the end of March).  Things are not going my way! 

On a happy note, K's job is renewing their contract with the nursing schools next year and, since people aren't going to return to work, I could get a position there at 23 euros an hour too! Which would be amazing...I will cross my fingers. 

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Now on to lighter things.  As I've got quite a bit of time on my hands between French classes, my new work, and job hunting, I've been surfing the net for new ways to do my hair.  I have reached complete and utter boredom with it, to be honest. In the past few months I've henna it red, I attempted to dye the front blonde (was too afraid of damage to leave the dye long enough), did black, and then light brown poetic justice braid extensions and other random things (thankfully nothing that's damaged it).  Lately my style of choice is thousands of mini-twists.  It's been good since I can get a bit of length and style variety.  It's nice, but I want something different.  Like these bad babies: 

 Shelly from hairscapades--Afro Puffy Twists

I'm lusting after these twists. Seriously lusting.  I love them because they look so natural and now that I've essentially achieved my dream mini-twist look, I want to start protective styling until my hair is thick enough to look like that. Until then, I will use extensions. Only problem is, getting hair here (called meches) is harder than in the US because 1) there's not a BSS every on every corner 2) the hair is usually super expensive! It's not too bad I guess considering I can put them in myself, but still...

Alas, I will wait until I can buy a bundle at home. 

To TEFL or not to TEFL, that is the question...

As I sit here grading papers on a surprisingly sunny Rouen day, I'm faced with a dilemma. I really, really need a job. My funds are dwindling rapidly what with buying art supplies, paying for yet another (expensive) French language exam, and all the other expenses...

Since coming here my boyfriend has had three interviews (most recent on today). He got a job within a few weeks of us living here, and now is being offered another way that pays slightly less than his current but offers more (lucnh vouchers, transport costs, paid vacation). Why is this? Because he 1) has a Ph.D, 2) did a TEFL course a billion years ago 3) has about four years of teaching experience at university level.

I, on the other hand, have sent a few applications with no replies. The thing is, I live so close to Paris that there are an abundance of teaching jobs. My only issue is that I have 1) not much experience except for a bit of tutoring and 2) a masters that's not at all in education.

So, should I TEFL? Most programs are really expensive, but if that's the main thing that companies ask for...why not? I have found one program that's not too bad, an online course that's $150 for 60hours.

I've applied to work as an English Assistant in France through the Embassy, won't find out until April. I was considering waiting until I found out to decide if the TEFL cert. was a good route. But, with that said, even if I get that job I'll need some work for the summer. I can't honestly keep grading my bf's students' papers for money (3 euros a pop isn't bad, but still). The other thing is, if I wait, don't get the ESF job, then have to do a month long course, will all the jobs that are popping up now still be around?

I don't know. I'm rather restless at the moment, which is why I want to feel like I'm doing something to help my bank account.

Plus, I've got deferred loans that need paying!!

Decisions, decisions.

Christmas time regime!

It's so close to Christmas it's crazy!

What's more crazy is I've decided to take on a healthier diet for the holidays. I've gained some weight since moving to Europe (about 5 or 7 lbs). I blame it on my boyfriend, who has actually super skinny in spite of eating everything, and the pill which has upped my appetite. So, since I'm a vegetarian, I've decided I need to add some more filling foods that include higher amounts of protein. I care more about being leaner and losing inches than how much I weigh, so I'm not focusing on counting calories only. I realized recently that I probably get about 10g of protein a day....not good at all for my muscles and, of course, my metabolism. I already exercise pretty consistently so I'm going to focus on eating more protein, more veggies, less process carbs. All of this won't be a huge change for me considering I've been slowly eliminated bad foods from my diet (hardly eat fast food, eat very few baguettes and pastas, etc.). I figure I should start adding protein now (and make it apart of my holiday meals) instead of waiting for the new year...I'm not doing anything so why not?

In other news, I'm going to Disneyland Paris this weekend (yay!). Should be fun and Christmas-y, I can't believe time has passed so quickly. I can't decide if I want to spend New Years in Rouen or finally get to see the glittery Eiffel Tower.

Tout va bien

Tout va bien!
Alors, cela fait un mois je suis à Rouen et je suis super contente. J’ai déjà commencé mes cours et ils sont très bien (plutôt les camarades de classe qui sont agréables). Tout se mets en place sans beaucoup de problème et j’ai l’impression que mon français va définitivement améliorer avant le fin d’année. Je veux vraiment que cette année sera la dernière dans lequel je me bat pour avoir de l’aisance à s’exprimer en français.

So, it’s been a month since I moved to Rouen and I am extremely happy. I’ve already started classes, which are great (although it’s more so the people in my class who are cool than the class themselves). Everything has come together well without many problems, and I have the feeling my french will improve greatly before the end of the year. I really want this to be my last year battling with French fluency — I want to be fluent (even fluent-ish is enough)!

Quelque chose une peu particulière est que je pense beaucoup à continuer mes études… mais à l’école des beaux-arts. Bref, c’est vraiment particulière quand même, mais je sais que peut-être l’on peut le trouver un peu bizarre car je viens de finir mon master. Mais, je pense que, à ce moment-là, j’ai vraiment la sensibilité pour faire un diplôme (même un certificat) dans les beaux-arts, une sensibilité que j’avais manqué (par conséquence, c’était cette chose manquée qui m’a fait quitter ces cours pendant mon licence). Je pense, parce que je suis plus indépendante artistiquement (et il semble que beaucoup de programmes d’art ici sont comme cela aussi), je vais bénéficier beaucoup d’une formation dans les arts plastiques. En plus, ce n’est pas cher du tout. Donc, pourquoi pas? Du tout façon, on verra si je vais vraiment le faire, mais je pense qu’oui.


Something a little particular is that I’ve been thinking a lot of continuing my studies.. but at a Fine Arts school. Ok, so it’s not really that particular (being that I was thinking of this BEFORE my masters), but I know most would find it a bit bizarre considering I just finished my masters. But… I think that, at the moment, I finally have the sensibility for doing a Fine arts diploma (and by the end of the year I’ll have the language skills to do it). It’s a sensibility I was missing (which resulted in me not continuing with fine arts courses during my undergrad degree— not to say that was was a bad thing!). I think, because I’ve become more independent artistically (and from what I’ve seen most art programs here emphasize working independently with a tutor), I will benefit a lot to do a fine arts program here. Besides, it’s dirt cheap… so why not? Anyway, we’ll see if I decide to really do it, but I’m thinking ‘yes.’

A moveable feast...

This is my last night in Edinburgh, a city I honestly did not enjoy very much. I’ve had far too many bad club nights, far too many arguments, and far too many mixed feelings about my relationship— all of which I believe was exacerbated by the malaise that was my malcontent living in this city.

Don’t get me wrong, Edinburgh, like all cities, is not all bad. But it is just not for me. I won’t explain for fear of sounding overtly critical— suffice to say, it’s not the place I hoped for.

Paris. To be honest, I was bound to never like Edinburgh simply because my desire to return to Europe was fueled by a desire to return to the City of Lights. I wanted the mysticism of Paris back, the naiveté of two years ago back, my liberation back. I thought it wasn’t simply the sensation of being in France that made that time so great, I thought it was just being in Europe in general. Gross, and very stupid, misunderstanding. Plus, it was easier to do graduate school in the UK. I took the easy way out, avoided language tests, although my French is fairly good, I just wanted to be out of Texas again. In that sense, Edinburgh served it’s purpose. But I quickly realized it wasn’t for me and instantly had a longing again for France. The result? I return tomorrow, not to Paris as it’s a tad too expensive for me, but to it’s northern city-mate Rouen. Less than an hour away by train? Yes, I can deal with that.

I went to France a month ago to apartment hunt. Found a place in Rouen rather easy and returned to spend a nice day in Paris before flying home for the last time. Just walking in the city gave my goosebumps, it gave me butterflies— it was like I was there for the first time feeling the summer heat and the moving people. I felt as if something was breathing into me, breathing exhilaration and inspiration into my lungs and beckoning for my hasty return. If I was unsure if I should come back, I was certain at that moment that I had made the right decision.

I can’t wait to begin again, I just hope that I don’t end up disappointed

Veil ban in France

This is a response I wrote to someone's comment and support of the veil ban in France.... I didn't bother posting it because I thought it would go to waste... so I'll recreate it hear (add references later so you'll know what the hell I'm referring to):

'I really don't agree with what you're saying at all and it's a bit weird to use the word 'modern' to describe muslim women who don't wear veils. According to my Palestinian friend who was born in the US and wears a scarf (not hijab, not a full face veil), it was her choice when and if she would wear it... she wasn't 'imprisoned' or 'forced,' just like another friend of Egyptian descent chose not to wear one. I think it's wrong to criticize people for their religious choice and make a blanket assumption that all women who wear veils are oppressed and brainwashed, that's not true (and yes, I am aware that in some cases this most certainly is the case).

Now, if you were making the argument that it makes sense for France to require people not wear the veil in public places for safety reasons(which I don't agree with entirely, in banks/government buildings, ok, but its pushing it for a person not to be able to wear it walking down the street), then I might be able to understand your point. Moreover, reading two books (1) about Somalian women suffering due to extreme beliefs (which, as far as I know date back to the BC era and are not related to Islam) isn't really grounds for deciding a whole group of people in a country should not be able to dress the way they want (plus I don't this has anything to do with Islam in France). I don't see why women wearing veils are 'brainwashed' while non-muslim women who dress/act/think a certain way because society, using whatever medium, tells them to are not considered as such.

Also I have no idea what the correlation is you're making between the legislation in France and the abolition of slavery in the US. I don't think all muslim women are forced to wear a veil in France (which is probably why they are protesting now) and even if they were wouldn't come close to being forced to be someone's slave... it doesn't come close to it (2).'


1) She mentioned the books Infidel (Ayaan) and Desert flower (Waris) as reasons why she supports the ban
2) Reference to a comment she made about the legislation being as obscure as the legislation which banned slavery in the United States.


So what do you guys think? I welcome your opinion!

Lazy blogging...

So I am, at the moment, very bad at consistently blogging. Mainly because I'm writing an endless supply of papers, suppose to be dissertation writing, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, as I type away bored out of my mind on my last paper for the term before I start working vigorously on my thesis, I'm thinking about escaping away back to the wonders of Franceland *queue joyous choir music* At the moment I'm job hunting through a temp. agency, I went for an interview today to work as a work placement liaison and left completely uncertain if I'd really feel comfortable doing it. I mean, it's a part-time, temp. job, but it sounds like so much work I'm not sure I'd really be able to do it all in only three days (and am not interested at all in having to work on things outside of work time). So... I don't know. Plus I doubt I interviewed well enough to get it anyway, back to the freaking job search again!

Soo... I had the great fortune of finding a marvelously cheap DU program in Rouen (only an hour from Paris, YES!) that starts in Sept. and ends in May. I think Rouen will be a great choice primarily because it's cheap, it's close to a city a love, and it apparently has a awesome rock music scene. I'm super excited simply for the fact that it's in France though... and I will be able to have those things I love dearly (namely the marvelously smooth language and the delicious baguettes that no one in the UK seems to be capable of replicating). Oh yes... can't wait until August!

Is this the worst?

Ok, so the taught portion of my course is coming to a close and I have to say... I'm really disappointed. Not that it's ending-- I'm ecstatic about that-- I'm disappointed in my classes. Well, really, most of them have been decent enough and predictable... and bearable really in their mediocracy. But one... oh dear god... has been horrible. I do mean horrible. Life coaches coming in to talk to Masters students, forty minutes of class wasted on CUTTING PAPER (literally, we had to cut paper...) and so on and so forth. It's been so bad that I've completely stopped going because even when there were lectures they were sooo boring. Either in the sense that I'd heard it before or I just didn't care... I mean, sometimes we'd be kept three hours because a lecturer wanted us to talk about papers we were writing in other classes... yes, it was so boring that she resorted to asking what our other papers were going to be about... for an hour. How ridiculous is that? I had high hopes for this class but it's literally deteriorated into a pool of pointlessness that the lecturers attempt to make important (last class they decided to apparently 'attack' the 90 percent of the class that didn't attend by sending everyone an email demanding an explanation). I wonder if they ever ask themselves if maybe they're the culprits for a low attendance rate? What do you expect when you never take attendance anyway?

I do believe, out of all of the HORRIBLE classes I've taken (including in high school), this is by far the worst of them all.

Returning to France?

I haven't posted in ages, not so much because I've been busy though (funny enough, I'm taking a break from working on one of four papers due in this month because I'm so bored/stuck at the moment).

So, I'm more than half way finished with my second and last semester of classes before I start working hard on the dissertation. I will likely be working full time during three months of it, as the SNGMA where I'm interning (unpaid) is hiring for a temporary, three month position as a cataloguer. I'm hoping I will be a shoe in for this but you never know.

Anyway, my time in Scotland and way too frequent trips to Ireland (only one so far, but honestly that's enough) has instilled in me a unwavering desire to go back to France. I'm not into the UK, at all, there's nothing wrong with it... it just doesn't hold my interest and I don't think moving to expensive London would help that. To be honest, the thing is I am just longing for Paris... I need that city... I breathe that city... and I don't think fighting off my love for it anymore is a good idea.

So, I've hatched a plan that has a lot of 'if's' in it, but will be set into play:
if I don't find a museum/gallery job in the UK (or US, or wherever, I'd prefer, seriously, to stay abroad)
if I am able to pass this blasted language entree exam for Paris 3's program (can you believe a DU program requires you to be a minimum of B2, which I probably am in writing and reading, in speaking and listening I'm probably more like B1)
if I don't come up with a better, cheaper option
if I actually have enough bread to go in the first place

Any suggestions on programs cheaper than 750 euros for the year would be much appreciated. The program I'm interested in doing is the DUEF 1 at Paris 3 (http://www.univ-paris3.fr/51196777/0/fiche___formation/) and, for some reason, this seems to be the only cheap program say for one I saw in Toulouse, whose deadline I missed by a day. All the other courses, including one at the university of Versailles, are ridiculously expensive (I'm talking 2500 euros for the same course Paris 3 has for 750).

My only issue with Paris 3 is the minimum of B2 requirement... I don't really get the point of it if the diploma courses get you at the level of B2 and/or C1. I don't think it'll be hard for me to prepare for B2 though... so I'm really not too worried about it. I think this is a worth-it move considering I really want to work in France in a museum/gallery position, and there's no way I'll be able to do that if my French isn't to scratch.

Anyway, we shall see... back to writing about Gauguin!

please.... no more snow...

I've found a new annoyance about being in the UK (you'd be surprised at how many I have at this point). It's actually a pretty big one when the weather is bad and one has a trip planned.... there's no accurate weather forecasting!

I know, I know. Most news stations have bad weather forecasting, they get it wrong a lot of time when you'd wish they didn't. But here, they take it to a new level. I mean, take the BBC for instance: On their main live news program they talk about the weather, hardly mention Edinburgh, and only give a same day to next day forecast... ALL THE TIME. What's worse, you can actually watch a BBC weather broadcast for Scotland, but for some bizarre reason they two NEVER EVER match. So you go to the the uk weather channel website, they have a completely different forecast to both of them. It seems like the only way to figure out what the weather is going to be is to stare out the window!

Normally this wouldn't bother me. But I'm a bit annoyed to wake up in the morning, having been forecasted either to have sleet or sunny skies (an example of how the BBC can't even keep up with it's own weather forecasts) and what do I see? SNOW! Not light snow, but heavy freaking snow. The airport is closed. This is so frustrating that I'm praying to Chuck Norris and the powers of Grey Skull to come and intervene (I'll take a round house kick or evil anti-thundercat maneuver to the face of this snow any day!).

I must get to Amsterdam. It's the new place I've decided I must visit. After it I can move on to Prague, Lisbon, anywhere in Morocco or the south of France. Please.... let me go snow, ppllllleeaaassse.
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On a side note, we have a mouse problem. It's gotten pretty ridiculous at this point, to the level that I, a vegetarian, have suggested cruel and unusual punishment for these rodents that dare enter our domain! Well, not exactly, but I'm getting to the point that I'd sticky pad the whole kitchen to get rid out them. We've killed seven at this point and K has finally decided/accepted that we're fighting a one sided battled-- we can kill them as much as we want but because we live in an flat complex they're going to keep coming. So, he emailed the landlady to tell her to have her 'builders' come fix this blasted gap under the oven where they've been coming in. It's a good thing too because we got up this morning to find one of our fancy two pound plastic mouse traps vanished. It's more than unsettling to think what it caught last night, obviously something big enough to get caught and then walk away with it.. Arghhh!

I had not realized how long ago my last post was so here's a new one!

I am, of course, in Edinburgh which is a lovely city. The cold, I hope, has taken a way some of its excitement, so I'm looking forward to the Spring already. Anyway, what I've been up to since my last post (from LA or on my way to Dubby? can't remember):
I went to Spain, Barcelona was soo beautiful and warm and cheap. Had a good four days there and then headed down to Malaga for K's sister's wedding in the mountains. To be honest, Malaga or Gaucin or whatever was not, in any way shape or form a southern copy of Barcelona, it was more like an evil opposite to it whose mission was to dampened my fun as much as possible during the wedding (with the help of the literal assholes that were invited, you would not even believe... -_- ).

But anyway, after that we came back to Edinburgh and here we have stayed. Classes have been fairly easy, actually exceptionally easy, with only two essays due at the end of the semester (one done, now I've only got half of the other to write). The semester ends on December 3rd, soo early I know!

The most exciting thing though is K and I will be going for a wonderful three days and four nights in Amsterdam and Brussels a week after the semester ends. I'm so excited, so happy to finally make it to Amsterdam. I'm hoping to see my friend who's in Brussels at the moment as well, and maybe I'll be able to smuggle some magical Dutch chocolate over the border for later enjoyment. Haha! HOORAY FOR THE END OF THE SEMESTER, TRAVEL, AND THE NEW YEAR (I know, getting ahead of myself there but it's only a little more than a month away) !

I come to thee from my handy iPod touch, two hours before departure.

Getting to this point has been one hell of a struggle and has thoroughly pinched my wallet. I got the letter I've been bitching about super late, decided to fly to LA to do an in-person appointment, got the visa after walking around santa Monica for six hours, came home, was charged again for a second bag by United airlines because no one in IAH 1) has heard of airline that actually flies into their air port 2) has common sense. I had to endure a two hour flight next to two jittery parents and their out of control obese child.

Aside from that crap, my feet hurt, my purse that I attempted to repair with electrical tape is about to die( no supprise there), and and and! Most importantly, I will have finally, after all the ridiculous obstacles, have made it to europe in less than ten hours.

Unlike the rest of my entry the last one is defo not a complaint!

A french post...

Alors, j'ai pense que maintenant j’aurais été ravie pour la fin de la semaine, et mon stage, et pour mon voyage qui est en moins que dix jours. Mais non, car je n'ai ni mon visa ni la lettre de crédit (?), je suis plus angoissée et énervée que je suis enthousiaste. J'aimerais si je pourrais rêver d'être en Irlande une semaine avec mon copain, puis en Edimbourg la semaine prochaine, et ensuite en Barcelone et puis à Malaga. C'est surtout ce problème avec le visa qui s'éternise dans ma tête. Je suis attriste à penser que peut-être j'aurais besoin de changer mon billet. Bon, je sais, ce ne sera pas la fin du monde si cela se passer, mais je suis une anxieuse je n'ai rien à faire mais penser de cela.

foiled again! but happy either way...

I just got an email from Edinburgh saying the letter was sent today, not last week. Oh those scoundrels!

Well, at least I have confirmation I suppose. Now I'm just wondering if I should change my biometric appointment from tomorrow to later next week or just go ahead and do it now? Next week is going to be so busy that I'd prefer to get it done tomorrow...

but what if the letter does not come next week?

Can I truly TRUST Edinburgh *queue music of incertainty*. I hope I can now that I've actually gotten emails from two people saying it was sent out. Please don't make me regret not changing if I decide not to!

So, aside from that halfway good news, I have full good news: We have an apartment! K went to Edinburgh on Tuesday and Wednesday to look at places. At first things were looking bleak (places that are dumps, too small, no light, etc.). By the time the day was nearly over yesterday he had found NOTHING! But, of course, the last place he looked at happened to be a gem: completely and newly refurbished, new furniture, appliances, the works; a twenty minute walk to the city center (and my department!), right next to free theaters. Only downside is that it's next to a football stadium. All of this for just 25 sterling more than what we'd hoped (a total of 475, which I can deal with for all the new stuff we get!). So K did good, real good. :)

Where oh where can my loan letter be....

Yes, I am still waiting for that blasted loan letter. It's been a month of "it'll be out in a few weeks," says one guy, "it'll be out next week," says a woman a few days later, "we're sending letters out today and tomorrow," says the same woman to K when he called, "I can't give you a specific date as to when they'll be out," says the same woman to me a day later.

So, I figured I'd give them a week before I started berating them. K insisted I start immediately pestering them nonstop. Thursday I cracked. I called and got the first guy on the phone who was way more helpful than the woman I talked to. I think that conversation is a pure and simple example of how USELESS financial aid departments are/can be (this is me paraphasing):
him: Ok, so let me look at your information on our system and I'll see where we are with your application.
me: ok.
him: um... alright so we have all your information and it looks like we're waiting to hear back from the states for verifying your MPN. I can't tell you when we'll hear back from them.
me: ah, alright but the problem is, I've got a flight booked for mid-August...and I can't apply for my visa until I get that letter.
him: ummm... mid-August, eh? hmmm... hold on, I'm going to talk to my colleague and get back to you.
me: alright.
I sat for about two minutes listening to that horrible hold sound... it's just as irritating and disconcerting as the sound French phones make when you call someone.
him: ok, we'll it looks like we can go ahead and use that MPN we have for you and get your letter out today or tomorrow with the next batch [of letters].
me: !! oh great! Does that mean I'll get it by next week?
him: yeah, it usually takes 5 to 7 days or so (blah blah blah lightly accented scottish mummbles).

Now, why did I have to lie about the date of my flight (I just said I was leaving a few days earlier) to get some fucking progress? It's ridiculous. I'm assuming I'll get it in the mail by Thursday at the latest. FINALLY I won't have to move my biometrics back again!

Now, on to work related shananagins.

Everytime I talk to an artist (today I telephoned M. Sontheimer about a work he did for the museum, so nice!) I have remorse for not taking more art classes. Now I know me and I know I am NOT an art class person (at least at this point). I couldn't stand taking classes where I'm told what to draw and how to think about art. Now I've got no with being taught the things all artists should know (different types of composition, color, lighting, values, or how to best use certain mediums). I understand the importance of the basics. BUT! Beyond that, I'm a all about experimentation, which is why I did not apply to MFA programs. I like the idea of opening up a students mind to artists, to concepts, requiring reading, requiring we look at different artists. I know that's too personal an approach for a class of something like twenty+ students. That's the stuff that inspired me to make art, gives me ideas, and helps me move forward in my art production. I mean, I made a huge leap in making art when I went to Paris, started reading tons of French literature and art criticism/theory, went to museums and galleries, and sketched, a lot. That's when it hit me what I wanted to do artistically. Obviously, for me, studio classes weren't going to do that for me.

So why do I feel so guilty for not taking more of them??

K's sister C just graduated from Central St. Martins (she did her final show, a live art piece, and had two galleries approach her about doing it again for them). She now HATES arts schools, mainly because of the number of rich wankers that go there. I can imagine I would feel the same. To me the most obvious benefit is the number of contacts one gets when doing a degree and the experience (whether in museums or exhibiting on campus). Now THAT I wish I'd not missed out on. I did enter exhibitions (and got into one) my first semester of college and then stopped, as I was researching where I wanted my work to go and what I wanted it to say for about two years. I mainly stopped because I didn't like the work I had.

I think now I just worry about whether people take me seriously when I say "I'm getting masters in Modern Art history but I'm also a studio artist/painter?" I think I'm afriad there's a biased in the eyes of artists for those who don't do art history instead of studying art route. There's a method to my madness... I promise!

My artistic goals for this year (Sept-Sept):
Rebuild my portfolio (I'm leaving my recent and most beloved paintings here in Texas because it's too expensive to ship them, so I've got to make a new portfolio of work) with at least fifteen paintings and drawings-- maybe less if I do some more big paintings
-participate in local art shows and become familiar with art scene (i.e. GO to gallery opens and stay on top of what's going on in the art world).
-keep exploring the use of pastels/ink on paper
-experiament with unprimed canvas and ink/staining (I've always used primed canvans, now I'm switching over)
-STRETCH MY OWN FUCKING CANVAS DAMNIT! It'll save me tons... maybe.

I'm moving in a month!

I can't wrap my head around this... I'm literally moving away, forever, from this god aweful land of heat and rain and sweat (I'm angry with the Texas heat at the moment as I have no air conditioning)! It's unbelievable. I'm not going to study and then return, not going to visit, but going to live abroad...crazy!

I've been thinking about this as of late (mainly because everyone keeps asking me silly questions like "why would you want to live in Europe? What if you don't like it? What makes you think it's great?"). I've always wanted to live abroad. As early as middle school I was planning my escape to Europe thinking maybe I could convince my parents to let me switch places with an European student for a semester, or, maybe I could just go and take language courses. When I graduated high school I thought about being an au pair. In college I worked hard on learning French with dreams of transfering to a French university somewhere (I grossly underestimated 1) the difficulty in mastering pronunciation 2) how high of a level was required to get in, something I would have never attained without studying abroad first). Luckily, I finally did get to France, not for as long as I wanted, but I made it and gained so much from the experience ( a boyfriend, a much better level of French, confidence and love in/for myself). People sure don't lie about studying abroad being an invaluable experience.

Now, I'm off again, in a month, to make Edinburgh my home (at least for a year). Then maybe London, then Spain, then then then! Who knows where I'll end up, but hopefully not back in Texas (no offense to Texans, it's just not the place I want to be)!

On a more beautiful, but kind of sad note, here's a lovely poem by my favorite Surrealist poet Mallarme.

Apparition

La lune s'attristait. Des séraphins en pleurs
Rêvant, l'archet aux doigts, dans le calme des fleurs
Vaporeuses, tiraient de mourantes violes
De blancs sanglots glissant sur l'azur des corolles.
C'était le jour béni de ton premier baiser.
Ma songerie aimant à me martyriser
s'enivrait savamment du parfum de tristesse
Que même sans regret et sans déboire laisse
La cueillaison d'un Rêve au coeur qui l'a cueilli.
J'errais donc, l'oeil rivé sur le pavé vieilli
Quand avec du soleil aux cheveux, dans la rue
Et dans le soir, tu m'es en riant apparue
Et j'ai cru voir la fée au chapeau de clarté
Qui jadis sur mes beaux sommeils d'enfant gâté
Passait, laissant toujours de ses mains mal fermées
Neiger de blancs bouquets d'étoiles parfumées.

Might as well....

I figured I might as well update...

No news really, or well, I guess there's a bit to talk about. Firstly, the internship has gotten more than a bit boring, but is almost over so I'll survive. I did get to meet an artist though. A local, but internationally known artist with the initials of TDH (he's living in Houston at the moment, did a show at a gallery in Edinburgh, is from Paris Texas). If you can guess it I'll give you a prize (well, not really, but you can feel gooey inside for being so learned)! He was really nice, I got to see his studio. He's been added to my list of people who don't think I'm from the Texas... or I guess the US. He said I had an aura that wasn't very Texas-like. Yay I have a unique aura! Haha.

Another reason why the job has reached it a point of annoyance with me is that for the past week or so I had one of the maintenance guys opening doors for me, being overly nice in a suspicious way, and then he followed me up stairs from the first floor (my office is on the third floor, he was coming out of the first floor door leading to the front of the museum to the elevators/stairs). He held the door for me, which is fine. Then, after I'd been at my desk for about 10 minutes he came down the hallway... I think he followed me up? I think this because he came in and asked me when I was leaving (my manager stopped to have a conversation with him a few weeks ago when we were coming in from lunch, which I think started this whole thing) and if I wanted to get lunch some time. Aside from the fact that I have a boyfriend, which makes going to lunch with some strange man who obviously isn't just interested in being friends with me awkward, the fact that he "stalked" me upstairs is just unsettling. So, obviously I told him no. I tried to do it in a nice way. I think it worked because I haven't seen him since. I know asking someone out and being turned down can be so embarrassing, so I kind of feel bad. I always have weird individuals asking me out.... why I don't know.

I'm currently battling the dreaded UK visa stuff. Actually, I'm mostly battling Edinburgh's slowness in regard to the loan award letters. It's not their fault, really. I mean, the program did just change. However, US schools just switched over too and the process isn't take NEARLY as long. Maybe it's the time difference.

I applied to a ton of charities and trusts in the UK for grants. I really hope I get at least one of the seven or so I applied to. I've gotten no goes from two so far. One doesn't give grants for arts degrees and the other is broke (also known as "uninterested-in-giving money-to-me" broke).

I still haven't heard about the Saltire scholarships. I think each university gets 200 scholarships to give out? Maybe that's what's taking so long, that is a lot of people. You'd think that since I got the more competitive scholarship for more money that I'd be in a shoe in for this one (that's based entirely on merit as well), but maybe they'll decide to spread the wealth?

PLEASE SPREAD MORE MY WAY, I'M STILL BROKE!

A sigh of relief....

So with all the changes to the financial aide process for US students, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to apply for a loan until July and then, not be able to apply for my visa until late July/early August. BUT NOW I've found out that Edinburgh is able to process loan applications before July 1st, I'll be able to do my MPN and Entrance counseling as soon as the uni is put on the system (none of the foreign universities are on there yet, but they're doing a website update so I presume they'll be put on there by next week). Then, I'll be able to get my award letter and apply for my visa by early July, late June to have it by the start of August. Yay!


This means that I'll likely be moving to Scotland in mid-August, that is if K doesn't change his mind and decide he wants to move Sept. 1st to save on rent (which means I'll be in Ireland for two weeks before going to Edinburgh). It makes sense to do that, but I REALLY want to move to Edinburgh two months. The Fringe festival is going on, for one, and it'll be nice to get acquainted with the city. Aside from that, I don't really want to stay with K's 'rents again. There's been so much drama and negativity that I don't think I would be able to manage to bite my tongue again like last time.

As for work at my new fancy job, it's been great. I really like the MFAH and I'll love learning about all the contemporary artists.

Now, it is time for... US v. Britain!

And the boredom begins...

So it's been a week since K left, and both of us are suffering already! He went home to have to deal with the death cloud that is his sister and I'm home dealing with the complete and utter boredom that is... Houston.

Luckily for me, I start work on Monday. I'm still trying to find suitable retainers for my piercings (the ones I bought are way to obvious and would fall out repeated). I bought some push-in biofit retainers that should arrive tomorrow, so hopefully they work.

And it seems that, finally, I will be going to Barcelona! Yes yes, in September K's sister has a her wedding in Spain (a town close to Malaga) and we've decided to do a bit of traveling before then. Soooo, we will leave a week ahead of time, fly from Edinburgh to Barcelona and stay for four days, then head down to Malaga and then fly back to Edinburgh on Sunday. I was trying to find a way for use to go to Tangier, but it's too expensive to go at the moment. Maybe we'll just plan to go to Morocco for three months or so at some point after my masters *mouth waters*.